Morning comes. I am an ordinary happy and with it a calm that exists and persists, because I ordained it. And for no other reason.
Mid-morning walk and I'm listening to Jewel, and some how I feel prettier simply because I occupy the same universe.
Memories of recent days flip in and out of my mind; wishing that I still wrote these things down. sea breeze through rolled down windows; waves through my dreams and songs on the radio from junior high; bleeding him backwards through my memory until one day he will become omnipresent [and then later gone completely?].
The sun is so bright and the sky so vertical and I see the Korean girls with the bangs so beautiful that it makes part of me hurt [the same part of me that hurts when I see something maimed?].
Classes and then more classes then finally the brief, frantic movements of individuals trying to be part of other individuals [but there are no other individuals; only symbols we place in our minds?].
Evening comes and I begin to wear thin. The world is too chaotic and I want to pull my hair out; for no reason. I am becoming cynically neurotic from mere exhaustion, but exhaustion from so many things that I don't know how to rest.
Go upstairs and there are ants all over my bathroom counter for no reason; for water.
Yet despite it all I find a calm, a calm that I ordain and that I am baptized by.
Mid-morning walk and I'm listening to Jewel, and some how I feel prettier simply because I occupy the same universe.
Memories of recent days flip in and out of my mind; wishing that I still wrote these things down. sea breeze through rolled down windows; waves through my dreams and songs on the radio from junior high; bleeding him backwards through my memory until one day he will become omnipresent [and then later gone completely?].
The sun is so bright and the sky so vertical and I see the Korean girls with the bangs so beautiful that it makes part of me hurt [the same part of me that hurts when I see something maimed?].
Classes and then more classes then finally the brief, frantic movements of individuals trying to be part of other individuals [but there are no other individuals; only symbols we place in our minds?].
Evening comes and I begin to wear thin. The world is too chaotic and I want to pull my hair out; for no reason. I am becoming cynically neurotic from mere exhaustion, but exhaustion from so many things that I don't know how to rest.
Go upstairs and there are ants all over my bathroom counter for no reason; for water.
Yet despite it all I find a calm, a calm that I ordain and that I am baptized by.
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