Ever have one of those nights when it's a relief when your alarm goes off in the morning? because that means you can give up the fight and just get up.

The rain poured from the sky last night. The wind blew hard. And near morning Thunder rumbled. It was better that way. I could have been waking up constantly to the sound of near silence. The sound of a house when everyone in it is asleep. The sound of alone.

If that had been the case I don't think I would have managed to keep putting myself back to sleep.

Then I would have been left wide awake, staring at the ceiling all night and fears would have done what fears do when you stare at them early, early, past midnight. And when I awoke I would have been scared.

Instead, I awoke and felt nothing. The world was black and grey. So many, many shades of grey. And though the clouds had silver highlights. I could not find one in all of the many, many shades of grey that was white, that was an absence of grey, that was pure.

The rain is falling on my naked, knotted heart, that once again doesn't know how it feels. All it knows is that I need to be held, that I need to be cherished, that I need fingers running through my hair telling me I am loved and that, above all else, it knows, I should not have been left alone last night.